I know I’m not the first person to say this to you.
Friends or family members can continually tell you to be kinder to yourself, but here’s the thing… we rarely listen, you and I. We’re so busy trying to be “good enough” (whatever that means) that we just keep pushing, criticising ourselves, trying, trying, trying. You have to, right? That’s how you get the dress finished. That’s how you make your dream business a reality – or make whatever else it is you are creating in your life real and solid. You have to work. HARD. As hard as you can stand. No, harder than that…
And it’s not that we don’t get it – we do. We know we should go easier on ourselves in theory, but if you’re anything like me, it’s a sort of “yeah, sure, I’ll do that tomorrow”, half-assed agreement. We don’t really absorb the advice, much less act on it.
Or at least I didn’t… until I had a very strange experience this week. For the first time, I quite literally saw myself as others see me, and I GOT it. I really understood thoroughly, for the first time, that I really DO need to lay off on the self-criticism.
Let me take five minutes and share this experience with you in person… maybe you’ll even try it yourself so you can see too.
Thank you so much for this! I’ve really been struggling lately — being frustrated with lots of things, including myself! I’m going to really try to take your advice! ❤️
Hooray! That’s great news. Be gentle with yourself and yourself will pay you back in spades. <3
Hi Cathy,
I watched your video because lately at work I have this fear that making even one mistake can cost me my job,…. and even though it probably isnt true… i grew up with an alcoholic father that still blows up into a rage if pasta falls on the floor…(example). I try to reason it and i am even failing at reasoning with my mind of messing up and maybe losing my job…. does any if his make sense to you? I would appreciate your take on this… thank you for reading.
Hi Leigh Anne, I’m so sorry to hear you’re going through this. It *totally* makes sense – if you have a history of someone blowing up at you whenever you make a mistake, you’ll naturally become afraid of making mistakes.
That, in fact, is a perfect response – your fear is trying to protect you from further harm. Even though it’s painful, it’s a sign that you’re built perfectly.
However, it’s not a sustainable situation because you’re still experiencing pain, so we need to find your brain some evidence that you’re not as likely to make a mistake as you think you are. So here’s what I suggest:
Take a jar or mug, and some pennies. Every day, put a penny in the jar for every single thing that you did well, from the smallest thing to the biggest. You got to work on time – win! You remembered to do that thing you have to do – win! You made dinner without burning it – win!
As the pennies mount up over days and days, you’ll have concrete visual evidence in front of you that you’re actually capable of doing a lot of stuff really well. And that should begin to give you some evidence that challenges your belief that you’re likely to mess up every time you turn around.
That’s just a little idea to get you started, but I’m not an expert on mental health, just a fellow survivor. I’d recommend talk therapy to help you process the trauma more deeply – betterhelp.com has been AWESOME for me, and it’s not desperately expensive.
Love to you, good luck!