Mental Health Awareness Week passed me by last week, ironically enough, in a haze of anxiety. Yeah, newsflash: I deal with this stuff too.
So many of us, from the everyday knitter, painter, writer or sewer to the celebrated household name, accept a terrible imagined bargain… that we must pay for creativity with our sanity. But despite my own issues, I have come to believe that I don’t have to take this crap lying down.
Having been there before and made it back to reality, I find these days that I know what to do. So here it is, for what it’s worth, my tried and tested grab bag of tools for maintaining good mental health (or regaining it when it’s eluding me), in no particular order. Borrow any that speak to you, and add your own in the comments.
Obviously, I am not a medical professional, I’m just sharing what’s worked for me. If you are experiencing issues that are seriously affecting your ability to function, GET PROFESSIONAL HELP – and do so without judging yourself any more than you would if you caught the flu.)
Breathe
Change the way you breathe, change your life. Whether I meditate with an app like Headspace, or I sit quietly and practice mindfulness, or I just do like we did as children and get completely absorbed in watching a bug climb a blade of grass for what seems like hours, there are many, many ways to get present.
Awaken
About fifteen years ago I had a mental health breakthrough in the middle of a quiet residential street. As my breath quickened and my mind spiralled into a frenzy, I suddenly had this thought… “oh RIGHT… this is my mind doing that thing again, when it tells my body to be anxious for no good reason.”
That tiny moment of clarity gave control back to me, and derailed an anxiety attack. Ever since, I’ve looked for that feeling of control. There’s a part of me that’s eternal, a part that the illness can’t touch. That part of me is stepping back, watching and going, “Oh yeah, this is my brain doing that thing again.” I’m bigger than IT is, and sometimes, when I can grab a hold of that, it’s enough to begin pulling myself out.
Rest
If I’m getting weird after a time of being way too busy, it’s time for aggressive rest. I mean, I prescribe SLEEP. LOTS of it. Nine, ten, eleven hours a night, whenever I can. There’s no need for burnout to make your life hell. You have my permission to look after yourself.
Sew
Conversely, if I’m in that place where I feel like I’m already sleeping 23 hours a day and still feeling like crap, it’s time to energise myself. I once took a bunch of fabric scraps and made a really low quality quilt (modelled in the photo above by my ex-partner Demi). The patches were huge and none of the corners matched up, but it didn’t matter. I got out of my head and made something of my own. It gave my mind something to grab on to.
Parent
“Hey Cathy, do we need to go and get ice cream right now? Let’s go and get ice cream.” Be the kind of loving caretaker you know you need.
Listen
Speaking of something to focus on, if I am getting anxious and need to make it stop, I listen to complex music – like Scott Joplin piano rags. There’s so much going on in there that I end up listening intently and trying to figure out how the pianist even does that with only two hands. Meanwhile, if I’m depressed and need to change my mood, I can lead myself out by the hand by listening to a playlist that can take me anywhere. You can engineer a soundtrack that develops gradually from simply comforting yourself through to lifting up, to inspiration and action. Movie makers know the power of the soundtrack to manipulate our emotions. We can use that too.
Eat
It’s hard to heal when I’m not getting the fuel I need to make the journey. However, that doesn’t mean that I need to be a monk, and it certainly doesn’t mean that I need to beat myself up about the imperfection of my diet. Those of you who know me know that I can be a kickass green juicing demon… but I can also put away an extraordinary quantity of chocolate in a single sitting. You know what to do here. Ninja trick: just add the healthy stuff in, don’t try to deprive yourself of anything.
Move
When I’m not doing well, the unpleasant feelings get stored in my body. In my neck, in my shoulders, in the top of my back, in the pit of my stomach. So I walk, I swim, I trampoline, I dance. I get that crap out of my system. This is not about getting fit as such… but it *is* about energy. Exercise changes how you’re breathing – which totally changes how you feel.
Escape
You know I love the woods. It amazes me to get out in nature and discover how relaxed, how happy and how patient everything is out there. I love to be in the trees, between the dirt and the sky, looking back at humanity and considering how ridiculous we all are. Sit in a tree for a while, and listen to what it has to say.
Medicate
Again, if you are having serious issues, medication may be right for you. I chose not to go there (first). My personal choice was to find out whether I could heal myself with natural and herbal remedies first, before going towards pharmaceuticals that I’d heard bad things about. To my relief, the herbal stuff works well enough for me and I never made it to the doctor. God bless 5-htp, kava kava, and chamomile tea, which I invite you to look into if you feel that they might be appropriate for you.
Connect
This is my personal Achilles heel. Ever noticed how anxious you get before seeing people, and yet afterwards you find that you had a mostly awesome time and feel much better? Yeah, me too. Let’s do more of that.
Get help
I’ve recently discovered betterhelp.com, where I have been able to talk regularly with a counsellor online, at a significantly lower cost than private healthcare can be. Yetunde is giving me additional understanding of where I am at, and an additional toolbox full of strategies. Highly recommended.
Heard all this before? Me too. Are you doing all these things consistently? Me neither.
It’s worth covering this topic again and again, however. To remind each other that we’re ALL in this place sometimes. To acknowledge that your most embarrassing behind-the-scenes mental health disaster is not comparable to someone else’s Instagram highlights.
Add your own mental health tips and tricks below, and let’s all stop trying to fight this alone.
Hi Cathy, and eanyone else who reads this. I find all of the suggestions you make spot on for helpful advice, having a brain that periodically isn’t my friend.
I have to remember, also, that it takes time to overcome the bad feelings and self-contempt. It doesn’t happen overnight (usually) and most, if not all, of the self care strategies you mention will come into it at one stage or another.
I’m just emerging from one such “brainfritz” and looking back I can see the stages and the things that helped in each part. I definitely recommend the “nest”, mine was on the sofa – bed seemed too removed from the centre {of home?}
When I wasn’t sleeping in my pile of blankets, I read escapist fiction. Some like to reread a an alltime favourite. It’s a safe place to be, physically and mentally.
When I felt I could emerge and take some kind of interest in ‘life beyond the sofa’ I wanted to talk for a while, though I was still ‘wobbly’ about it.
Sympathetic and empathetic friends knew I needed bolstering, so they reminded me quite effectively why they were my friends and loved ones. They blew on the embers of self love that (to me) had gone out, and brought them back to life, showed me there was still heat there and I had to not give up but tend it, make it grow.
That gave me the impetus to do other things that helped, sorting material for instance (always helps my imagination), going into the garden and just looking and breathing (breathing is key, you are so right, Cathy).
Gradually, ‘doing what must be done’ wasn’t such a painful, depressing, almost impossible effort any more and I’m ‘coming round’ at last. But to give oneself permission, it’s OKAY to feel what you do, and you are ALLOWED to take time and steps to heal, like, as you say, when you get the flu. Call it brainflu?
What a beautiful comment Susan! Thank you for sharing so vulnerably – the more we’re open about thee things, the less stigma there will be. Well done for looking after yourself. Yes, let’s call it brain flu!!
Thank you Cathy, for your kind reply. I did not feel vulnerable in sharing my thoughts, I was just concerned that I be honest and try to add something to the discussion that you started.
The time it takes to deal with and recover from episodes of low energy, anxiety, depression etc is often not emphasised enough, I think. Well-meaning advisors can forget, or never know, how convinced a depressed person can feel that nothing will ever help them and are they even worth helping? When you get to a point where you do not value your own existence, escape and oblivion are the first and only steps it seems possible to take.
I must reassure you, here, that I have never attempted what is euphemistically called “anything stupid” (sic) but I have seriously wanted to and felt, seemingly quite rationally at the time, that it was the obvious answer.
I was convinced I was a worthless burden who could enjoy nothing and contribute only misery to those I loved, so I, and everyone else, would be better off if I were “out of the way” (how was as yet undecided).
Fortunately, I was able to tell someone of my “logical conclusions” and their response made me realise there was something wrong with my thinking. I was obviously not well and needing help.
They say admitting you might be clinically depressed is half way to getting better, and I agree, but to an extent only. You have to admit you need help and ACCEPT that it is as much an illness or malady as any other and that you can be helped through it, and even made stronger for having experienced it.
Something in your very complex brain or endocrine system just isn’t working as it should and is causing you problems in your life. It’s not infectious, nor is it witchcraft, and you are not weak or anything like that to succumb to it.
It’s said that women can keep strong because they let themselves cry. Tears are a release and are ‘inside healing’, so…. in my opinion, big boys really should be allowed to cry.
I am so glad to have stumbled upon this, thank you for these little reminders; they are very important!
I find that the most necessary thing is to be able to recognize the signs of an oncoming attack and, just as you say, prepare to treat it like a physical illness. Your own attitude plays a huge part in severity and recovery, I think, and not subjecting yourself to feelings of guilt or denial for things being ‘all in your head’ (and therefore ‘not real’) is hugely important.
Also remembering that there isn’t a cure for the common cold; sometimes these things are part of life, and no matter how much vitamin c we take, sometimes we just get ill and it’s very annoying; but if we can’t stop it from happening, at least we can learn that lemon tea with honey and a good night’s rest (or three) is really nice, and we are perfectly allowed to give ourselves that.
Obviously of course the pharmaceuticals work for some people, but personally I can confirm your suspicions: they did do some very scary things.
The brilliant thing about learning how to take care of myself was that it helped me to feel more in control of my brain and better understand what happens to it and why, which I have found to be tremendously helpful.