A few years ago I watched in bemusement as a group of strangers speculated about Cathy Hay on the Internet. My perceived character, my work, even my age was up for discussion.
Luckily, someone had hard intel to share on the last point: “Hay is in her fifties,” they declared.
Well, I’m delighted to announce that that person is finally correct now, since I’m celebrating my 50th birthday this week. 😛
It’s at these milestones that we tend to look back and forward. In the last ten years we have become a world that can no longer look itself in the mirror without a complete rethink, and that’s not unlike the transition that a person goes through around the age of 50.
I have begun to question my world and myself more than ever before, now that I have a few decades of perspective. I have questions that go right back to the beginning, and questions that go all the way forward to the end.
Just as I hit 40 I was setting up home on my own and trusting that my little business would be stable enough to support me. Ten years on, the little business turned out, but I also became immersed in a popularity contest that I don’t remember signing up for. Ironically, it worked to my benefit, until it didn’t. What I discovered about myself in the aftermath set me on a new course.
Everything that has defined me – my work, my identity, my wardrobe, my country of residence, and even my physical body – is in a process of transformation. Nothing is left unquestioned. And it’s here where the deep, terrifying, and transcendent healing work of a lifetime is happening for me.
It was in my mid-40s that I discovered that ageism doesn’t begin in your 50s or 60s. That was a surprise, and it leads me to speak up. Being willing to share wisdom and experience, irrespective of age, is a contribution to an evolving conversation about what’s possible as we grow older, and what we have to offer younger generations. We may not always get it right, but we have a responsibility to continue to take part.
During this time of my life, I’ve developed relationships with those who are a few steps ahead of me on the path of personal transformation, and I’ve discovered just how rich is the journey ahead. “There can be a perverse pleasure,” says Sharon Blackie in her stunning memoir Hagitude, “in insisting on flowering just when the world expects you to become quiet and diminish.”
It’s true: Hay is in her fifties, and on the path to true authenticity. While some of the journey is travelled in solitude, companionship is also welcome. Join me, and we’ll venture forth together.
As someone on the cusp of 60, I totally understand where you are coming from. My ability to change is ever developing. I thought that by now, I would have had life figured out! Life, had another thing in store for me. I am just so glad to be alive! AC
Happy Birthday Cathy! You look Fabulous 🙂 Wishing you a day filled with love and tasty treats.
-Kay
I can beat both of you. I turn 70 next June! I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m who I am for me, not for anyone else. If anyone wants to make negative comments, they are welcome. Like my cats, I go selectively deaf and quite honestly, pity the person making such comments. What sad little lives they must have.
Thankfully, I have good genes and don’t look my age. I wear what I want, when I want. These days I’m heading towards late Victorian/Edwardian styles. Walking skirts and lacy blouses are my styles of choice. That makes me happy.
So, my ‘advice’ for turning a decade – be the person you want to be, not what anyone else thinks you should be. You only live once, do it on your terms.
Happy Birthday Cathy!!
I am edging close to my 40th birthday and each step closer to it helps me to recognize a new part of my self and step away from the peron who only cared about what others thought.
You are not alone on your journey. Keep questioning, keep searching until you find all of the parts of you.
I looked at my 50th BD as a marker for the 2nd half of the ride. Best wishes for health and happiness.
Well, Happy Birthday first off! And I’m glad your finding who you are. A great gift to give yourself!
I hope you enjoy your 50s! That was 17 years ago for me… and I can guarantee you that it is a great decade.
Of course, the 60s have been pretty fab too!
Transitions, transformations, …perhaps they are harder to do when people are younger. They feel like a cup of tea to me, these days!
I really hope you enjoy this time!
I am 71 and am very surprised that I still feel late 30s to mid 40s. Unfortunately, my body does not agree! So I am doing my best to do what ever I can and learning how to cope with not being able to do things I want to do. I have found that I have to push to get Drs to really listen to me and respond to my needs. It’s not fun to be written off as ‘oh, she’s old.’ I think I have been very fortunate to have been born into an era where so many world changing events have taken place, technology was born and developed, gay people can get married, inter-racial marriages are legal, and women’s rights have been fought for. Some advances have taken place, but there are still many to be fought for. I hope I am alive to see them all come true. Turning 50 was interesting for me and I hope it is for you too, Cathy. I found a fullness in purpose and confidence in taking my own path. Best Wishes!!!!
Happy birthday, Cathy! I hope this is a wonderful year for you. I went thru something similar at 39 (not 40), 50, and again at 60. At 62 I now think I’ve got a handle on who I am, but that could change by next week!
Happy Birthday, Cathy!! I’m honored to have had the privilege of meeting you in 2016 at Costume College. You are an inspiration. Thank you for all you do for this community. Cheers to the next chapter of your life!
Wishing you a beautiful birthday year! May it be just what you need. May this year be kind and full of meaning.
Congratulations on your 50th. Age is a funny thing. Some of us feel it strongly, and fight against the tide. Others accept the milestones, and enjoy every new day, adventure, or era of our crazy journey. Hope you have a fantastic journey.
My 50’s were fun. Today, I’m 64, and have no intentions of slowing down.
Congratulations on turning finally 50 again. I love your story about speculations and assumptions of those who seek their 15minutes of fame by being a know it all…
I too have a birthday this coming week, and while I say I’m 39 again my secret is I’m really 70 and still sewing, creating, and living to the beat of my crazy drummer.
Happy birthday Cathy
Happy Birthday, Cathy!! . Fifty was a pivot point in my life, a hinge that broke all things open that were not yet flexible. I started joking with my students about being “old”, thinking they would all get the (I’m-not-that-old) joke, but none of them laughed. Kids today, what can you do?! Be well, stay curious, and keep becoming who you are, these are my birthday wishes for you! 🥰💕💝.
Happy Birthday and Congratulations! I appreciate you sharing your experience(s) and insights 🙂
I’m just into my 60s and trying to figure out who I am now and who I might not be anymore. Tough sort!
I also appreciate the thoughts shared by the other commenters from their journeys. <3
Well happy birthday again! I’m 59 – and I’m surprised how much I’ve changed (again), in the last year. Not just my body (which is physically changing for the better, surprisingly [a diabetes scare finally put me on the right track]); but how my mind is changing, and consequently, my personality.
Taking fewer risks, being kinder, letting go, wanting my life to get smaller instead of bigger, turning inward instead of outward; letting “friends” gently fall by the wayside and pulling my chosen family in closer.
I love who I’m becoming as I make my way out of this chrysalis; and looking forward to seeing my beautiful new wings. Perhaps they’ll arrive in my 60th year, who knows? I’m on my way, and loving this stretch of road. It’s lovely to learn new things about yourself just when you thought you had yourself figured out (!)
Welcome to your “hag” years. They’re glorious!
I cackle at the notion that age has much to do with ANYTHING — except that the longer you live, the more crazy stories you have to tell and usually you have better life experience to impart. I’ve always preferred folks considerably older than I am as friends; they’re more patient, far less likely to be offended and turn on you than jittery young peers (boy has that become more obvious in the past couple years) and have an awful lot of great stuff to share about life. Only now that I’m in my late 30s am I really enjoying anyone my own age… much of the gaseous self-focused nonsense of the young having been burnt away by a decade of the real world. I’m only looking forward to growing older and more secure in who I am and where my place fits in the world — though I could do without the already-starting joint pain!